Alzheimer's...a Double Death...

This horrible disease has captured the mind and body of one the most treasured humans in my life. I have had to come to terms in my mind that I could possibly witness my best friend Dolores, die twice in my lifetime from Alzheimer's.

This is a first for me, having to maneuver through the Alzheimer tides and soon to be tidal waves of bearing witness to a loved one's total loss of her entire memory.

I am told she will forget everything, even how to swallow. This breaks my heart, for her to have to endure such an ending to her life.

My husband and I recently took a road trip to visit with Dolores, her daughter Noemi and her husband Tom. It was clear to see this disease is ramping up. She asks the same questions at least 5 times...sometimes within approximately a 2-minute span of time.

She does still know me and shows me love and encouragement with my writing, however, I see she has taken a huge step in the direction of the unknown world...into the Alzheimer's world. That visit very well may have been the last time she remembers me; it is not that I am thinking negatively. I am being realistic and accepting what is...but not without wishing things were different of course.

It's important I lean into my Faith at times such as this. Staying faithfully flexible with the ups and downs of life is so important. Being human sure can be difficult and sometimes just plain suck!

Yet life can also be wonderful, extremely rewarding and mystically beautiful as well. I am very thankful for having Dolores been a part of my life. I have a Big Love for her. She has helped me tremendously in my spiritual quest and for validations about life in general along with the afterlife.

So, when the day comes when Dolores no longer recognizes me...I know it will be a feeling like no other...to say I will feel lost is an understatement...it will feel like my girl has died...and when it is time for her soul to really leave this world...she will have died again...taking with her a piece of my shattered heart...but I will be desperately clinging to my Faith in God...telling myself... that all is as it should be...even through the worst days.

I am so grateful for my Dolores who was the most awesome life teacher, my Spiritual Warrior, my Dear Puerto Rican Mama...oh how I wish it was not ending like this for her...but I know that there must be a reason, and that God has a plan, and I will continue to be Faithful. Even though she will be leaving me physically, I KNOW...her spirit will always be around, guiding and helping me when she is able. I also believe my son Jonah and her will certainly be hanging out, they both admired and loved each other very much...what a reunion that will be!

Choose Faith...and Always Love...

Brenda xo

Dear God, I ask that you be with me and Dolores's other daughter (my sweet sister from another mother... Noemi) Bless our hearts and minds that we may know for certain, when it is time for Dolores to shed her earthly suit, we pray your powerful Holy Angels will be guiding her to your Light and Love... Engulfing her in your perfect Peace...

in Jesus' name I pray...Amen

We were walking by Jonahs's tree and bench, and I had picked the yellow wildflowers...put them in her hair and took this picture of my Dolores 💕💖💕